If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it. Elmore Leonard's Ten Rules of Writing

1. Never open a book with weather. 
2. Avoid prologues. 
3. Never use a verb other than ''said'' to carry dialogue. 
4. Never use an adverb to modify the verb ''said'' . . . 
5. Keep your exclamation points under control. 
6. Never use the words ''suddenly'' or ''all hell broke loose.'' 
7. Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly. 
8. Avoid detailed descriptions of characters. 
9. Don't go into great detail describing places and things. 
10. Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip. 

Why? Read more.